I posted last year about my annual Tuesday-before-Thanksgiving tradition… Every year the hospital I work for gives us pies on the Tuesday before the holiday (we have the choice of Pumpkin or Apple, I always choose Pumpkin), and every year I cut a huge piece of it on the night we get it, and have it for dinner while watching NCIS.
When I made that post last year I wasn’t certain how long I’ve been doing it for, but today I realized it’s been as long as I’ve been single: seven years now. Seven years of being alone for the holidays. Seven years of acting like I “prefer” it this way… when truthfully I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.
It all just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks as I was trying to think of something “Truthful Tuesday”-worthy… The real truth is that the last relationship I was in ended 7 1/2 years ago, when I was 31, and last week I turned 39. That means I’ve lived almost all of my thirties completely alone… and at the rate I’m going, I’m going to hit forty the same way. Slipping further & further away from remembering what it’s like to be involved with someone… slipping more & more inside myself.
Is this really how it’s going to be forever? Eating my pumpkin pie alone, while the memories of sharing the holidays with people I’ve loved in the past slowly fade away?
….Damn, this pie doesn’t taste nearly as good as it used to.
